Sooths Said in Chiang Rai

After the ugly reading I suffered in Burma (a used car salesman, who should stay indoors after dark, and certainly not date until April), I had to go in for a second opinion.  I mean, it makes sense a Burmese palm-reader would foresee doom everywhere.  He's been stuck under the illegal rule of a cruel dictator for his entire life.

 

A Chiang Rai palm-reader, living under a benevolent ruler, with a stunning mountain view, and cool, airy nights?  I'd hope for optimism! Even if, especially if, he read palms with only one eye.

 

 

"You are 36?" he asked, through a friend who took turns translating and sipping from a mug of whisky.  He typed at an old casio calculator, doing calculations with my birthdate.  "Ah.  When you turn 39, you will meet the right girl.  It will be very good. You will marry."  As a consolation, he offered, "This year is good for you for traveling.  Born on a Monday, it is easy for you to find girl.  But a little bit picky."  Both men chuckled at this, and at me.

 

"Ummm...  do I have to wait until I'm 39?  That seems so long."

 

 

He took my hand, and, carefully studying it with a magnifying glass, gave a little.  "This year you might meet someone.  It's possibly leading to marry.  Around your birthday.  When you marry, first child is a boy."  This sounded promising!  He kept on looking at my hand, barely looking up to offer diagnoses.  "Mmmmmm, very high educate.  Very bright.  Smart.  Do you plan to own your own business?"

 

"No," I decided on the spot.

 

He studied me with his one eye. "Good."  I wasn't sure how to take this, but agree.  "Verbal speech is good.  Good to be a lecturer.  Or in PR."

 

"Would I make a good car salesman?"

 

"Yes!  Very good!"  Hmmmm.  "You have verbal and negotiation skills!  Now, do you have any questions?"

 

 

"Can I leave home after dark?  Am I safe?"

 

"Are you safe?"  He didn't follow.  Evidently nothing bold had lept off the palm.

 

"If it's dark, and I leave home alone, is that okay?"

 

"Yes, yes.  You are fine at night.  There is no negative in your hand.  Because you born on Monday.  Monday get along with anybody.  And this year birth is very good!"

 

I liked this guy.  Until he pulled out a well-worn mold of a couple going at it, and told me -- to really secure the marriage -- I should pay him again and let him burn me with hot wax, or something. 

 

 

I didn't like where it was going.  Nope.

 

I headed off for a tasty coconut ice instead, and skipped down the darkened late-night Chiang Rai streets, spilling coconut water as I passed a used car dealership on Th. Phahonyothin.  Could this be a sign?

My mom's response: "Actually, Andy, you were born on a Sunday." Whoops!